20 WEEKS ECHO

I read Maike's blog about her 20 week echo. How she enjoyed it and how well it was. And immediately I had to think back to my last 20 weeks of echo. A 20-week echo does not always give you the news you're waiting for. This blog is special for mothers and dads who know what kind of roller coaster you can get after a 20 week echo. Not to frighten you, but so you know ...... I'm not alone!

My 20 weeks echo

As the day of yesterday, I can remember my second 20 weeks echo. It was a Wednesday afternoon, I had worked the morning and went home with the children at the same time. I promised my class that I would still attend the musical performance that night they had practiced with an external teacher. What did they look like?

Because the 20-week echo for our oldest daughter did not go well due to lack of space in our own hospital (hubby could hardly be with his wheelchair, hassle with the echoscopist), we were forwarded to a larger (casual academic) hospital. Family members we told that we were referred to this hospital thought that something was going on with our baby. That would be the reason for our visit there.

No worries

I laughed all these worries away. No, it was just a matter of wheelchair accessibility, nothing wrong! We went to count fingers and nents and, for hubby, not completely unimportant, what the sex of the child was. Even at the registration desk I was still confident that it was not necessary to subscribe to the digital patient system. After all, I would only get an echo and then no longer come back. How bad I had this was only discovered later.

There we go

I was relaxed in a super spacious room on the treatment bench, while my daddy left a little further to give the echoscopist all the space. And what were we happy when our baby came to terms. At the time when some 3d images were made. We enjoyed these special images because we knew they could not make it in our own hospital. We saw it as an additional benefit.
The echoscopist told her about what she saw and looked good. At one point, I heard her say to her colleague that she had to ask if gynecologist X was waiting for a while. A small alarm bell went down far into my head, but this soon disappeared as she continued to see our baby. The alarm bell kept quiet and thought it was usual at an academic hospital to have a look at the doctor. Hup: Enjoy the small sprout again.

And then it went wrong

Good miss The gynecologist came in and watched the images with the echoscopist. And slowly in their conversation there were words that the ground among us disappeared. 
"Yes, you have seen it well." "Hernia". "Just add in more detail". "Parents here with me." 
The gynecologist disappeared again and the echoscopist went on to make the echo. In her eyes I could see pity. In my eyes more and more tears came up. Tears I was fighting hard because I wanted to follow what the gynecologist and echoscopist were discussing.

Hundreds of thoughts went through my mind. What was going on? Was our baby paralyzed? Could our baby save it? What did you think of honey? I could not look at him properly, so I could not figure it out if he was completely aware of what was said. 
Not all questions remained in my mind, I also handed a cross-hearing to the echoscopist. But trained when she was, she could not give the answers I was looking for. For that we really had to be with the gynecologist. We received extra echoes from our little sprout and were allowed to wait for another room the gynecologist was waiting for us. Through all the consternation, they almost forgot the most important thing that had come to the fore, the gender of the baby. Fortunately, they could write this up soon.

At the gynecologist

With tears, doubts and fears we talked to the gynecologist. It turned out that our child was so sick that there was a great chance that it would die after birth. Not immediately, but there had to be fought for life. And that could be a long and difficult journey, with every outcome possible. No warranties except those of a huge rollercoaster ride.

There was another option. Another trolley on the roller coaster ....... and that was the end of pregnancy. To be born of our child and to say goodbye to it. But then fast, because I was almost 24 weeks old. With 24 weeks, our child had the legal right to live. 
We would have a conversation with a specialist a few days later and with the gynecologist to hear more about the disease. What we at least understood was that our child had CHD (Congenital Hernia Diaphragm). Through a hole in the diaphragm, the organs (liver, intestines, stomach) move upwards. That causes the lungs and the heart to be in tribulation.

And now?

Overall, we have gone home, full of questions and uncertainties. We stood for the hardest choice of our lives. And without knowing exactly what CHD meant, we already knew what choice would best suit us. I think we had already taken a large part of the decision.

As we were busy to come home, to inform the grandparents and grandma's there, I immediately thought of my class. I could not show up on their performance. Even though I promised them (and I always say: what you promise you should do). In tears, I called my duo and explained briefly what was going on. I apologized for the fact that in the busy time (end of school year) I fell apart and did not know if I would return. How stupid it is to stand still with this is the heartwarming reaction that gave both my duo and director (because yes, who had to be called too).
One week we went to go to all the specialists and think about what we wanted. But we actually knew it very soon. This fight we went on. The little ones would get a chance to live!

Who knows, I'll tell you about the roller coaster we went in afterwards. But for now, I want parents who also have a less fun 20 weeks echo and are in the hardest choice of life, want the strength and strength to make the choice that suits them!